Sexin the City

So I have had this Column up for a few days, and I have realized something quickly with the amount of contacts I have gotten about it. One most people think it’s funny/slightly offensive, which was entirely the point. Secondly, the majority of the people reading right now are females. This is mainly because I’ve been advertising this on my personal MSN, and I have more female contacts than males. This is not to say I'm a player or anything; it’s just that with my Boyz (and with most guys Boyz) talking is not that big of a deal. I have my closest friends ever that I never speak to for more than 1 minute. Even on those conversations it’s usually, “Where’s the pre-game at”.

Women don’t understand this concept. They think that guys are borderline retarded with their inability to express their emotions and feelings. I postulate that men simply don’t stress the small things as much. But I digress.

Most of the people reading up until now have been women (and you’re all super sexy thanks for that), and they have started making allusions to another writer of a similar sort on a popular HBO show. Call me Carrie “Fucking” Bradshaw.

Boys if you have no idea what Sex and the City is get your heads out of the sand and go rent this shit. I’m not going to say it’s the best show ever made, but if you want an insight to how sex charged that girl down the street is, remember she has seen every episode twice, and feels that one of the girls on it is “So her”, and it’s never the prim and proper one. Here are the reasons why you should check out this show.

It’s actually good. This is key, because the vast majority of the things you’ll be subjected to by your potential girl are going to be excruciatingly boring. You really don’t care about her new shoes, her new scented candle, or why her best friend is a dirty whore (you might think that last one would be interesting but it always has to do with the friend’s shoes or scented candles and never anything that you might consider whorish/cool at all). Of course we even this out, because despite how much we think it is important, most girls don’t give a flying fuck about how Shaq was the heart of the Lakers, not Kobe, Why the Canadiens probably won’t take it this year but they are so due, or why the Steelers really are a dynasty. Sex and the City however is pretty cool. Sure the narrator is whiny and indecisive and spends 6 seasons harping on the same distant, emotionally unavailable punk, but news flash buddy, you’re a distant, emotionally unavailable punk, and the only reason she sticks it out with you is because this show has her believing that you will turn into the perfect man of her dreams. This show is buying you time, and you need to know why.

Seduction. There is a fine line between seduction and manipulation, and you sir are no seducer, so you had better learn to say the things girls want to hear. Luckily this show is a how-to book on just what to say. Most guys think it all has to be flowers and poetry, according to this show girls are as into the dirty stuff as we are fellas, you just have to approach them right. This show will teach you how to do that.

IOU. You bought her all 6 season on DVD, it’s about $300 bucks, and you sat with her and watched every single episode. Not only does she have to watch Heroes with you, or at least let you go watch the game with the boys, but she’s probably so into you by now that you can try anything you want (there are a few episodes on any deviant thing you might want to try, and it’s a good way to broach the subject). You will be neurotic about her alone time now though, because you know that the second she gets alone with her girls she’s going to be talking about how “you’re doing your job” (or not).


So there you have it boys, Sex and the city, it’s everything you never knew you always wanted.

Cheers, first rounds on...anyone but me!