The Great Debate

Wow I really suck.

It has been like a week since the last time I wrote. I know this because I have been threatened by some people to write something new. I feel like every time I miss a day I need to explain myself, and no matter what I say it'll never get me out of the trouble I'm trying to get out of. I have a fool proof method though, I will try to be incredible vague, and hopefully you'll all work out the details in your head until it satisfies you. So here goes.I haven't written in a week because of (insert plausible excuse here including: Mass Lay-Offs at my company, a death in the family, a religious holiday celebrating the death of my saviour...with chocolate bunnies??? And Ninjas...always ninjas)

So onto the post of the Day. A lot has happened recently, though not enough for me to randomly while away my time talking to people. A conversation I had recently was about me locking down a new apartment (this place is so sweet and dirt cheap, I'm expecting to find a ghost in it). Any way I was speaking to a Jewel of a girl lately (not my girly, but still a cool chick). And she was debating getting a car or renting an apartment. To me it was a no-brainer, and I'm going to explain why.

Being Drunk

Being drunk makes your car useless to you. Being Drunk is exactly what your apartment is for. If you get sauced and drive, you can go to Jail or kill someone. If you get smashed and go back to your apartment, you get labelled as at least marginally responsible (and honestly folks, that is all that I can hope for, the illusion of seminal responsibility).

Furthermore having a car means you never get drunk at a party ever again. Whereas if all you have is a place to crash, you can get messed at other people's place all the time. Make sure to puke in the street and not in your pad though. Seriously who wants to clean that junk.

Responsibilities

You have to pay rent, you have to pay the monthly car bill, so they are tied in this respect. If you have a car though, people expect you to be the designated driver. If you didn't like to drive you wouldn't have bought a car, right? If you have an apartment, people expect you to party hard, but to let them crash out (Seriously Bramo you've gotta help me choose a sofa/your bed bro).

If you drive people around, they rarely cover their costs. You have to pay for gas and people never give you enough. They expect to never pay more than they would for a cab, except you don't have a metre on your car. Apparently in the cabs they take, a trip from the south shore to Laval and back costs five bucks. You look at this moist crumpled blue bill in their hands and you're so pissed that all you can say is, "No thanks, it was my pleasure". If you tell someone they can crash out at your place, they'll chip in halfsies for the cab (which is precisely calibrated so no one is getting gypped), and they'll probably buy you a beer and a shot (which is way more than the measly five they'd offer driver boy). This is starting to look like a lopsided contest already.

Mackin Chicks

You can have the nicest car in the world, as soon as you tell a girly that you're driving your Escalade back to your momma's place so she has to keep her voice down, the only thing going down that night is your hopes of getting laid. You can park your scooter in the closet of your flop house if you want to, tell her you have no room mates and that she can be as loud as she wants to, she'll probably see it as a challenge and gladly take you up on it.

Getting Down

Once the lovin has started the apartment wins hands down, if only by virtue of replay value. If you've had sex in the back of one car you've banged in the back of them all (and if you've banged in the back of them all, then ewww). However there are so many rooms and balconies, and stair cases and fire escapes and roofs to an apartment, that there is a veritable deluge of opportunities for either comfort or spontaneity to your sexual adventures. Enjoy them all.


So basically it appears like a hands down victory for an apartment in the city versus a Mazda at your mom's place. True if you pay rent you have nothing tangible to show for it at the end of it all. As far as I'm considered though you can keep your spare set of tires, your rust and insurance hikes, I'll keep the memories of all the fun times at my first pad. There's a bar right down the street where the locals will be hearing me soon yelling out...

Cheers! First round's on...anyone but me! The guy with the car will be having a coke