So I went out this weekend, and as always, ended up doing some pretty messed up stuff. I waited for Bramo to meet up with me, for about 2 hours (a word to the wise, if you know a guy who allows people to add an O to the end of his name, odds are he'll always be fucking late, but it'll normally be worth the wait). While waiting I saw two homeless guys get into a fistfight for 20 bucks, I saw a guy get arrested for soliciting a prostitute, and I saw a girl throw up on one pissed off Lebanese shish taouk vendor. He might have been pissed off prior to being the target of projectile vomiting, I am not sure. I am absolutely certain he was upset afterwards. I am also pretty certain that Hameed and Daoud did not do a great job of cleaning up, so I will never eat at this Restaurant.
Now Bram shows up, two hours after the five minutes it was supposed to take, apologizing profusely for his tardiness, and proceeds to take me to an undisclosed location. My pulse quickens slightly as he leads me to a building that houses an ex-girlfriend of mine, but it quickly subsides as I realize that whoever we are going to see is on a lower floor (and subsequently at a lower pay-grade, so hopefully she has lower expectations).
If I was pissed at Bram before, and I can honestly say I was not based on the wicked entertainment this city had already provided me, I am definitely not pissed anymore, as this apartment is full of hot drunk chicks. I automatically know this is going to be a good night, as the girls unanimously decide to hit a strip club. I was mistaken.
Boys never bring chicks to a strip club, it fucking sucks. They are checking out the chicks, but complaining about how fake they look and how much they're all whores. Of course they're whores, they get naked for money, you knew this when you walked in. Being taken aback by whores at a strip club is like walking into a butcher and saying, "Hmmm there sure is a lot of meat here". A strip club is a lot like a butcher actually, except if you eat the meat here you get kicked out.
Also guys like the fakeness, it's a plus for us. And not even in the way you think either. I mean fake tits are cool and all, but it's more the fake attitude we dig. These girls aren't real at all. When they are dancing for us, they are acting like they enjoy taking care of us, and never ask for a backrub. If they have a problem with their body they fix it, surgically if they have to. They don't set emotional mine fields for us to slip in, they don't bitch about body parts , they nip their tits, tuck their butts, pump their lips and zip them while they're at it. A woman that never has a headache, never has a period, loves to fool around, and doesn't talk about their day. These women are fucking fake, and you noticing their tits ladies is an extreme example of superficiality.
So basically Boyz, if you want to enjoy a strip club, leave the ladies at home, they're just going to make you feel awkward for wanting to see boobs, and the ones that enjoy it, are way to many hassles outside of the club for you to deal with. Leave the skirts at home, and hit the club with your buddies. and if you see me in the midst of all the luscious ladies you might hear me yell,
Cheers! First round's on...anyone but me!
And remember, there's no sex in the champagne room.
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