Six degrees of Separation, and Separating from it all

I am back at work, and in a bit of a lull, so I was able to put off the post last night and kick back with Girly, knowing full well that I'd be able to write it this morning. Of course being the slacker that I am, I came in 2 hours late, and put off the writing to after lunch (who can write on an empty stomach).

I spent some time speaking to the curvaceous Carolyn, a groupie of sorts of my column (that's right boys there are benefits to writing), and a friend. She was talking about an insane party she went to on the weekend, involving a lot of water, and even more alcohol. I personally think that March is a bit too early for a splash bash, but then again cold wet girls equal a lot of pointed perky nipples, and an extreme desire to get out of wet clothes into warm beds, so I might be a bit backwards on the idea.

As always my first question was, did you hook up with anyone. Normally this is because I am a deviant and a bit overly focused on my and other's sex lives, but now I write a sex column,s o ti's all good. My friends give me a free pass, and girls seem to love the idea of speaking with a pro (and who am I to dissuade them from the idea that I might be a professional, and not just someone who likes talking dirty).

She was telling me that the situation was way to messy to do anything of any fun. Not only was she surrounded by ex boyfriends of hers, the one guy that she might have had an interest in was an ex of a friend. Her question to me was how to get away from the six degrees of separation effect that permeates all of our lives.

Basically, within a chain of 6 people you connect yourself to anybody on the planet. I personally think this is a bit of a stretch, but I have been way too connected to most of the girls I have hooked up with (often only finding out afterwards of course), so I cannot really disregard the notion completely.

Now how do you separate yourself from the trap. You're hitting on a girl, and her ex-boyfriend is in the same room? This is not an easy sell, but with a bit of charm and a lot more luck you can get this done.

The spot

First of all you need to know which girl has a man in the room. This should be easy, look for the girl who is dancing with a group of her friends, and not looking at any of them. Nope this girl is too busy keeping an eye out for her ex. She can practically see through walls to spot him anywhere in the room. She wants to make sure he's not having more fun than she is. it's your job to make sure he is...at first.

The plant

In order for you to be able to get some play with the girl of your most recent daydreams, you're going to have to get her into a position where she'll basically start fooling around with whomever is closest (if you time this right this should be you). The way you accomplish this is to send one of your cock tease female friends over to this other guy and to start grinding him (all of your female friends are just a bunch of teases right? that's why they didn't bang you). Your friend should be up to it, because it is the CT's biggest joy in life to make a guy drool over her, and the Guy should be into it, because some chick came up to him, and so he feels like a pimp.

Once your target sees her ex touching someone else, she'll want to even the score ASAP. You should be very near at hand, as you'll be her rebound. What follows is similar to the script of every teen movie you have ever seen, where both parties escalate until the girl just runs off in distress and the ex follows her, consoles her and they get back together.

Luckily for you, your friend is such a solid Ho, that no man in his right mind will leave, so you'll have to do that comforting for him.

The shoulder

Ask her? What's wrong, did I do something to offend you. Remember you probably had your hand up her skirt and your tongue down her throat, but you'll still seem like a gentleman compared to that sleazy ex of hers that still is nowhere to be found. Tell her that you're usually not that forward, but you felt a connection (she'll think mentally, you'll know it was more your hand to her honey pot). She'll probably be pretty vulnerable right around now, and a bit more comforting could easily lead to some sexual healing.

The Pearly Gates

This is a little reminder that in none of these articles, past, present or future, can I offer any way to save you from going to hell. Luckily enough though, I have a feeling that most of the girls you have been with in this life will be joining you, and who doesn't like it hot?

So there you have it? We all know someone who knows someone you know. For every girl you see there's probably a boy of your boy who has been there first. I can't stop you from feeling bad for sleeping with her, I can't stop you from the drama that will result from you sleeping with her, but if you follow the steps above, I can help you sleep with her. One in three ain't that bad though is it?

And after your hook-up when you get back to the bar ready to re-hydrate for round 2, you'll hear me yelling

Cheers! First round's on...anyone but me...

Unless I'm busy with your ex in the back alley (how romantic)