Hi Everybody!
So it's 9 AM (ush) and I'm writing the new article. Even though it can be argued that I am writing this a bit late, I can guarantee that The topic was developed yesterday (and man was it a clutch fucking brainstorm session). You see I have no problem talking a lot. I have a big mouth and can ramble off on basically any subject. This is key when you have an oral presentation that nobody has really worked on. Say your 5 slides, and let Toine field any question that comes up. I can't be beat. If I don't know the answer I'll make up something plausible so quickly, the other people in the room will think I rehearsed the Q & A with the person beforehand (If you don't believe me, hunt down Bram, and ask him about our Strategy class, where we met and almost instantly became Boyz, after a punched someone for being a bit TOO into his new laptop).
The point is though, that while I can ramble on for any point, I need a point to start with. I write this column almost everyday (I take weekends off, because damn if I don't need to be wrecked after "working" all week). and usually write the article you read in the morning the night before while you're sleeping or watching TV. I usually write it late at night because i'm scrambling to find new topics. Now don't pity me too much, because this usually just means that I bug Bramo while he should be studying, he mentions he needs some food, we get totally distracted, laugh our asses off, yell Boom a few times, and then I have a topic.
Girly was at my house yesterday, though so needless to say the distraction factor upped about a million percent (I measured). I hadn't seen her since Sunday, and she knew I wasn't going to see her all weekend (look for Monday's post on St-Patty's day and you'll see why). Basically she came to my place knowing that she had one day, maybe two to get a whole week's worth of Toine. She was more than willing to take that lovin if she had to, but I am devoted to you guys, so I needed at least a topic before I completely disregarded my responsibilities. I was talking to Bram, and as usual having a good time with it, but as soon as he heard the antics going on behind my back, he respected me for my ability to focus on a computer but really thought I should go handle my Business.
Ronnie however came through like a champ, telling me that A) I was gay for talking to two guys when I had a half naked Goddess in my bed waiting for me, and B) I should talk about msn or some junk like that. He also mentionned Facebook. Bram said, make sure you talk about hooking up though, and so here we are. Hooking up via MSN, with an injection of Facebook.
Facebook is the king of randomly getting in touch with people you haven't spoken to in forever (which for a 20 something is anythin longer than a year). I got on after about a year of constant harrassment from Katz (Michael Katz goes to McGill look him up sexy ladies. Not only is he funny and rich, but from what i've heard he's hung like a Donkey!). I originally did it to plug this site and the book I want to turn this site into. Since then all I have been doing is checking this FB shit. Facebook is addictive like crack, and I have a feeling that the more FB friends I get, the less actual friends I will have. Also there are people who add me, and I have no idea who they are. Katz calls it stalker book, I call it play it forward. Some weird ugmo adds me, I'll accept, check her friend list, and tag every hot chick on her list, and every dude who looks like he could sink a 3 when it's absolutely necessary. It's called options people.
And for some reason they all have their emails added to this, so you could also add them to MSN. Here is why macking chicks via MSN is not as loserly as you might think.
You can do it stupid
If you haven't been able to pick up chicks from a bar...you're in trouble. Odds are you lack self esteem, and basically have no game. This would be a good place for you to practice it. You're probably all awkward and sweaty and stammering and whatnot, well she can't see that. If you have a webcam, disable that shit. Instead, take the time to take a really good picture of you, and show that instead. if she asks why you don't have a cam, tell her the only reason you need that is for talking to people far away or for porn. You don't know anyone far away, and you prefer the real thing. I know you love porn, so do I, so does she (probably), but you're breaking the ice so don't get too creepy right away, it's called charm. Try and be clever. Also make subtle allusions to the fact that you might be entitled to a free show if she has a camera (Note: every girl who has told me that she would never do that has done that with me within an hour and a half of saying that. I know that sounds like a long time to wait, but if you mention it in the first place, it's probably worth it, and this girl was practically a stranger when you first met 10 minutes ago, so I think it's a pretty impressive progression).
If at first you don't succeed
This is like anything else, getting the way with words is a skill that needs to be practiced. Sure there are some naturally better than others, and no matter how many jump shots you take you might never get them to drop like Jordan, but you don't have to be Jordan to dominate a garage league (and face it most girls, even the hot ones, aren't the big leagues). So keep it up. Also read. I cannot stress this enough, other people are really good at writing, by reading their stuff it makes you better. I'm not saying rip their words directly, but you could get their patterns down, and make yourself as suave as you need to be.
Block Delete Repeat
Who needs their failures thrown back in their face. Get rid of them. Also if you succeed too well (and the girl hangs on like Jaws...man that movie rocked), well maybe a bit of e-distance is in order. Move on son, there's someone for everyone, and you'll find your special girl (for this weekend) eventually.
Stigmas are over people. It's not just the losers looking for love online anymore. Cool kids and hot chicks spend all of their time on the net too, so don't worry about looking like a tool. You're just using the resources available to you. You might want to double bag it the first time you hit that grocery store though, I mean she was willing to meet a stranger off of the internet after all...ZING! Also check that age...you never want to end up on Dateline's, "To catch a Predator". Although I kind of want you to, cuz that shit is just funny to me. Also if you end up here http://derrickcomedy.com/brorape.htm, I'm taping it and showing everyone I know.
and when you hit that bar with someone you never met but are probably gonna nail, get a drink for me too, you'll hear me in the back screaming
Cheers! First round's on...anyone but me!
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