Let the games begin

So a lot of cool things are going on. My company is in its infant stages. I'll tell you more about that as time goes on, but suffice it to say that I may have found a way to make money doing the two things I love, writing, and not wearing pants. Also this site is up and running ads. I suggest that you click on them, because the content is probably super great, and you clicking on them gets me paid. I am not allowed to tell you to just click them without looking at what is offered, because that is a violation of my agreement with my advertisers, but I can tell you that I do get paid whether you buy stuff or not. Take it from there to do what you will. I promise that this is the last time I shill (just like a I promise I love you, and that time I promised to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God).

That being said, the fine credit institution of American Express has decreed in their infinite wisdom that i am an ideal candidate for a Platinum Amex card with a limit of $5800. I in my infinite stupidity have compiled a list of things I could do to max out said Amex. So here for your viewing pleasure is a list of things I could buy with $5800.

580 Lap dances (as soon as I said $5800 all my Boyz immediately thought of this one)
5800 shooters at Peel Pub on Thursday (fuck you shooter girl no tips today)
168 months of membership at a porn site
721 large bottles of hand cream (cuz if you have that much access to porn...)
5009 American Dollars (that's a lot of singles at a titty bar)
193 3 and 1/2's
1060 Poutines at Labelle (after the 3 and 1/2's we'll need at least that)
5800 pieces of dollar pizza (I know a good spot off of Guy that charges no tax)
414 Pitchers of tap beer
828 Pitchers at happy hour (it's always happy hour somewhere right?)
193 24 cases of Labatt Blue
1 Russian mail order bride http://www.womenrussia.com
773 STD tests (fucking mail order brides)
2 50 inch Samsung plasma TV's
7 Ps3's
10 Xbox 360's
20 Nintendo wii's
130 original Nintendo
10 Avtomat Kalashnikova model 1947, otherwise known as an AK-47 (seriously with the rounding, it's roughly the same as an X-Box 360 http://www.eastcoastfirearms.com/, still it's cheaper than a Russian bride, and doesn't choke no matter what you do to it)
9957 Trojan condoms (from a box not a machine)
approximately 7000 diapers if you didn't buy the rubbers
19 1984 ford tempos (it's sad that i paid more for an X-Box than I did for my first car)
19 kawasaki standup jet skis (if you don't mind that it's a 1986)
0.96 Kawasaki Jet Skis (if you do)
5800 Tacos
23238 rolls of toilet paper (cuz god damn you if you eat that many tacos)
232 hardcover books (you'll be in the can for a while)
35% of what my education cost me
1 9 year old female spider monkey (to replace the mail order bride and to entertain)
42 rabies shot
386 copies of Justin Timberlake's new album
11,600 scented candles (settin the mood)
1 Diamond engagement ring (should have stopped at the candles)

Sadly enough I make about $1000 bucks every two weeks after taxes, so if I were to do any of this it would take me (without interest) a little over 2 years to pay this card off. I think I'll be mature and keep the Amex in my pocket.

Cheers! First round's on...Fuck it, it's on me and my Amex!!!